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  everything is gone. protein packs have been gone for days. water is gone as of this moment. everything is getting hazy. i can no longer focus. my head. my sight. the colors that fill this cabin are a swirling blur of black and purples red blue colors that might not even exist. i'm sunk so low into this chair with little strength to get out. my legs are up with my ankles crossed on the console that holds no purpose. my ragged skirts fall giving way to expose my thighs, what i can see that isn't obscured by my torn stockings or cuts and bruises. the flesh. my flesh. it's so soft. when the muzzle presses into it, it leaves a perfect circle. a pink perfect little ring. i've done it so many times that the ring has bruised and that means nothing, i'm covered in them. i roll the barrel. i cock the pistol. russian roulette. when my time is up, the lead will be lodged into the floor grate *****STATIC ENCRYPTED INTERFERENCE***** femoral artery and the candy..the red warm liquid will spill out and glisten like candy in the starlight. i will stare out into the void like i have been all along in my unwavering hope that the Betty will come into view. i can't look at anything else. to see it's lights and to know he has found me. your blinding light of amazing grace piercing through the unknown. oxygen levels have expired as i write this. the last of one of the remaining lights still lit inside this boat. i am locked inside a world floating through a dream.

   the job was done. without much hesitation on the firing end of my guns, many are dead and the goods secured. the shipment should have already arrived. if it has not, then it's on it's way. there is no sense of time anymore but i know it was sent under the radar. so it is done.

   it's so cold. i long for your touch. your warmth. you. my husband. my love. the one. to see your face again. i have been as strong as i can be. i will not die of starvation nor lack of water. i refuse to succumb to that yet i know i am so sick. i stay steadfast and true and will remain in this tomb with an ever watchful eye. waiting. hoping. rolling that barrel. i know the numbers. i know the odds. i know the score and i want you to know that i *****STATIC ENCRYPTED INTERFERENCE*** so keep that with you always. if my body does not get to you then keep your senses about, i will find my home when the breeze that carries what is left of me swirls around yours and lands upon your lips as no one and nothing can stop fate. together as one, against all others.
 
 my eyes. they burn. i can't keep my head up any *****STATIC ENCRYPTED INTERFERENCE*****
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